ANTON YELCHIN RU

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Natalie Portman directs and stars in one vignette.

But those are mere flings, impetuous flirtations. If you've ever wanted to know what a real relationship with the Big Apple is, then "New York, I Love You" is right up your alley.

It's hard to get swept away by the new film when you're from the eponymous city, where cynicism is practically a requirement. But the film, intended as a love letter to our mythical metropolis, shifts away from intimate inside jokes and toward a celebration of New York as an idea — which most people can get behind.

The film is a mixed bag of stories; some soar, and others ring false. Expect running themes of taxis, ambivalence about Central Park, and, most amusing of all, getting in other people's business. As in any ensemble film, the characters find themselves passing through one another's lives in short vignettes that stitch together the longer pieces. This is one of the movie's strongest elements: Not only does it speak to New York's "Haven't I seen you before?" phenomenon, it also ensures that your time with these characters is long enough to glimpse them more than once before the lights come on.

The collection of stories varies from the surreal to the stunningly normal: from office buildings to hotels to restaurants, through conversations held over the phone and on the street. The characters are artists, businessmen, housewives, children, caretakers and more.

Sadly, the film digs a bit too much into New York clichés: the pickpocket bested at his own game (Hayden Christensen), the overworked professional mother (Jacinda Barrett) and the young artist (Emilie Ohana), for instance. But some of these archetypes, such as the gruff pharmacist played by James Caan, come off as endearing.

The women in this film are powerful. There's mischievous Olivia Thirlby, determined to give a charitable young man (Anton Yelchin) the perfect prom; Natalie Portman as a brash and honest Orthodox Jewish diamond dealer contemplating marriage, beauty and sacrifice; and Robin Wright Penn as a haunted, neglected wife aching to reclaim some spark — with a stranger if need be.

While some segments disappoint, "New York, I Love You" is still an endearing collection of tales. New York City is not monolithic; it's made up of various neighborhoods, no two alike. The same goes for its people, as well as the cast of characters profiled here.

This latest installment in the "Cities of Love" series — after 2006's "Paris, je t'aime" — fulfills its goal in reminding us of the things we adore about this enigmatic, thrilling and sometimes terrifying place
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The result is a curiously bland hodgepodge — not terribly evocative of such a famous place, and not all that inspiring in the connections it depicts.

Following 2007's "Paris Je T'Aime," this is the second in a planned series of "Cities of Love" films. Each features a group of eclectic directors and well-known actors coming together to concoct brief clips; Rio, Shanghai, Jerusalem and Mumbai are next.

Inherently with such a structure, you're going to have hits and misses. Not all the segments are going to work for every viewer. But whereas "Paris Je T'Aime" had a healthy number of hits, "New York, I Love You" is the unfortunate opposite.

The challenge presented to filmmakers was intriguing, too: Each of them had two days to shoot, then a week to edit. Each short had to take place in an identifiable New York neighborhood. And each had to involve some kind of love encounter.

Except for Shekhar Kapur's entry, with its dreamy, ethereal light, nearly everything in "New York, I Love You" has a dark, gritty sameness that feels smothering. Aside from references to Central Park and the Dakota building and restaurants like Balthazar and Pastis, "New York, I Love You" could take place in any bustling, densely populated metropolis. Transitions between the pieces are intended to tie them together as a cohesive whole — a character from one interacts with a character from another — but they don't add much, either.

Things begin inauspiciously with Jiang Wen's short set in Chinatown. Hayden Christensen plays a pickpocket who follows a beautiful girl (his "Jumper" co-star Rachel Bilson) into a bar. Soon he finds himself in a battle of wits with her much older boyfriend (Andy Garcia). Both men light cigarettes in the bar — which has been against the law for years in New York City — injecting a distracting feeling of inauthenticity from the start.

Natalie Portman and Irrfan Khan enjoy some sparks in Mira Nair's contribution (and Portman herself directs a later piece). She plays a Hasidic Jew about to get married; he plays an Indian Jain who owns a jewelry store in Midtown's diamond district. As they haggle over a stone, they also teasingly one-up each other about their religions and find an unlikely shared admiration.

Brett Ratner's segment offers a rare slice of dark humor. Anton Yelchin plays a high school senior with no date for the prom. The neighborhood pharmacist (James Caan) coaxes him into taking his daughter (Olivia Thirlby), who's in a wheelchair. There's nothing mawkish about it, and it doesn't go where you might expect.

One of two entries from Yvan Attal has a twist that you will see coming, but it features strong performances from Chris Cooper and Robin Wright Penn as a man and a woman who meet and flirt outside a restaurant. But then Shunji Iwai's piece featuring two more strangers (Orlando Bloom and Christina Ricci) who talk on the telephone is boring and goes nowhere.

The Kapur piece is pretty, of course, as you'd expect from the director of "Elizabeth." But it's bafflingly pretentious and features an odd pairing of Julie Christie as an opera singer and Shia LaBeouf as the handicapped bellhop who serves her at an elegant hotel. (The late Anthony Minghella wrote this one and was supposed to direct it before he died; the whole film is dedicated to him.)

At least "New York, I Love You" ends well with perhaps the strongest piece from director Joshua Marston. Eli Wallach and Cloris Leachman play a longtime married couple who bicker while walking through Brighton Beach. It may seem shticky but these two veterans are adorable together — and it's the only segment that convincingly reflects the possibility of true and enduring love.

"New York, I Love You," a Vivendi Entertainment release, is rated R for language and sexual content. Running time: 103 minutes. Two stars out of four.

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Motion Picture Association of America rating definitions:

G — General audiences. All ages admitted.

PG — Parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children.

PG-13 — Special parental guidance strongly suggested for children under 13. Some material may be inappropriate for young children.

R — Restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.

NC-17 — No one under 17 admitted.
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Then it gets worse. Yvan Attal, of the insufferable My Wife Is an Actress, delivers two short episodes about pickups. In one, Robin Anne Wright and Chris Cooper plays a pair who seemingly meet by chance outside a restaurant for a smoke, for a session of those identity-game shenanigans seen everywhere from the opening of the Pitt-Jolie Mr. and Mrs. Smith to improv classes in every corner of this suffering globe. In the second Attal, a lone woman (Maggie Q) gets a load of a wandering writer's highly pornographic line (Ethan Hawke). By far, the deal breaker is a tone poem by Shekhar Kapur about a tasteful heartbreak-hotel room, an aged desk clerk dressed in black (John Hurt, looking weirdly like Einstein) and the ruins of a once great lady (Julie Christie). Its tone of lament and unrelenting beigeness made it look like an outtake of Toronto, I Have Great Respect for You.
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